Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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