wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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