Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
