nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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