I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
