I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
