Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
