I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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