I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
