Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
