Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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