i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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