my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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