We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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