NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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