You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
