btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Shame - the story of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
