I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize