god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Every concussion has its silver lining
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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