waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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