What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize