My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
