please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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