if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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