i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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