i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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