Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
