I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
