maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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