Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
