Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
