apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This house was built for laser tag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
