Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
