i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
