When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
