My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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