My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
