All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
