life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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