It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
