4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
