I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
