did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
