using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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