So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
