I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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