i think my mom watched the whole time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize