drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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