I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
