I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
