Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
