Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
