I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
