Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
