Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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