I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
