is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize