Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I deserve this hangover.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
