I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
