You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
