I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
