did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're like the curious george of whores
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
