its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
