Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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