I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
