a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
