how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Edward fifth and chaser hands
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
