There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
