is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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