Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
