Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
