Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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