i don't like sucking hair
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
